Sylus. Woke up.
Staring at his ceiling.
He turned on the light on his bedstand.
Everything was stained violet.
He ran his hands over his body.
He sat up with a groan. This was his home and he was… He opened the closet door to look in the mirror. He was himself.
“Qaitax?” he grumbled as he rubbed his face.
“Well this isn’t very convincing…” he stood up, “Where the hell is Qaitax?”
“What the fuck is going on…”
Jeron slowly entered the bedroom.
Sylus turned to him, “H-hey there,” he forced a smile.
“How are you feeling?” Jeron remained in the doorway, wringing his hands together.
“Yeah… I guess Qaitax tried to get ahold of you again?”
Jeron laughed, “You really scared the piss out of Quinton.”
“So that… That happened?”
Jeron snorted, “Should have seen them hauling your massive ass back here.”
Sylus looked at himself in the mirror again.
“How long have I been like this?”
Jeron was caught off guard by the question.
“F-forever, Sy… You’ve always been this way… I mean, you’ve put on a bit more weight lately, but the rest of you is all the same as it ever was.”
Sylus grabbed his crotch. A slow, warbling laugh rose from within.
“Jeron, and the voice in my head, this isn’t real. This was the worst attempt yet.”
Jeron’s eyes turned a brilliant shade of blue, his voice rising to an effeminate level, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh finally getting hands-on, are we?”
“Why are you being so damn stubborn!” Jeron entered the room, shoving Sylus against a wall, “Why can’t you just accept the decent lives I keep giving you? You didn’t want perfection. You didn’t want this hell… What do you want, Sylus Synclaire?! What do you want so you can just finally die!”
“What do you know about mortals?”
Jeron shoved him again before stepping away, “That they’re filth. Stains on the weave of reality. Mistakes.”
“Eh,” Sylus shrugged, “That might be true, but what do you know about them?”
Jeron’s gaze narrowed.
“I’ll give you a hint. We don’t like dying.”
“But to you, it would have been a lifetime of perfection! Happiness without pain and suffering! Why! Why did you keep ending it all? Why did you fight your own comfort? Why…”
“Well that is the rub, now isn’t it? If you knew jack-all about mortals, maybe it’d make more sense. But you don’t so of course it doesn’t.”
“Tell me… How can I placate you?”
“Well we’re well past that point, but first of all, you would have at least tried to know what goes on in my mind.”
“I made you a male of your species. Isn’t that all you want?”
“All? No. I mean, it was cool and all, but it was kind of a dead ringer to it all being fake.”
Jeron’s gaze drifted to his underwear.
“Yeah, exactly. That shouldn’t be there.”
“But it was what you wanted…”
Sylus shrugged halfheartedly, “Yeah, but… I know what’s possible and what isn’t…”
“And yet you’re allowing yourself to be taken in by Qaitax for something that you know shouldn’t be possible… I don’t understand…”
“Qaitax never promised to make me wholely male. He just promised to give me the face I wanted. He made it pretty clear that he couldn’t get creative with genetics.”
“The devil is in the details. You also majorly fucked up by using my ex and her brother’s names. You also fucked up by inferring I was straight.”
“S-so… imperfection… is what… you want?”
Sylus thought a moment, “Want? That’s a weird way of putting it. It’s more like what I’ve come to accept. I mean, I’m human. Mortal. I get that life isn’t perfect and it never will be. All the power in the world won’t change how adversarial and uncomfortable life can be. I mean, maybe after a while I’d grow numb to it, but as I am now? Being mortal is still very real to me.”
“And you cherish your flawed existence in the face of true perfection?”
“I cherish my family. My real family. The ones that are still out there, struggling to survive. I need to get back to them… I can’t die. Not now. Not like this.”
“You would rather live a tragic life on a dying world with mortals who will perish while you live on than live a single lifetime of contentment?”
“Personally? If there were zero holes in your scenarios, I would have died happily. But in trying to make it all just so perfect, you added enough of what sucks about reality to pierce that perfect veil.”
“You never once believed it, did you?”
“You got me a handful of times, but there was something just off enough to make me wonder…”
“Then I have failed.” Jeron’s gaze fell to the floor. Fear and anger in his eyes. “Mother forgive me…”
“I’d really like to wake up now…”
Creature comfort goals, they only numb my soulThe Monkees – Pleasant Valley Sunday
And make it hard for me to see
Ah, thoughts all seem to stray to places far away
I need a change of scenery